Repeat

As I got up to attend to my 15 month old teething daughter for the third time that night, a common thought came to my mind: not again. She again needed my attention, I was again moved to her bedside and I was again asked to stay awake until she fell back to sleep. As I lay awake with her nursing, I reflected on the past months and the one thought that seemed to pulsate behind my sleepy eyes was the word again.

I'm not sure why it is I seem to get fixated on words, but for some strange reason, they resonate with me for awhile before they get lost in my thought cloud of day to day life. This night, my word started as again and it soon subconsciously transformed into the prefix re. I began to pass time by thinking of as many words that started with re. They floated by my closed eyes: renew, resolve, remove, replace, recycle, reply, and repeat. The word game progressed as I removed the prefix and imagined each word followed by the word again: new-again, solve-again, place-again, cycle-again, ply-again, and peat-again. My eyes flew open wide, peat - peat, like the soil amendment? Does this word have another meaning which I never chose to see? If this word in fact means what I think it means, then the word repeat means to reapply fertilizer or amend the soil again, I thought to myself. Suddenly, this word which only seconds ago gave off a dull negative vibe, now, seemed to strike a new chord with positive energy.

I will have to note now that as a landscape designer and avid gardener, I love words that are used in everyday language which originated to describe working the land. Some of these words include: reap, harvest, sow, amend, cultivate and, of course, plant. This might explain why this new revelation about the word repeat was so exciting to me.

This new definition of repeat also awakened me because, lately, my life has seemed to be stuck on repeat. I have repeatedly attended to my daughter, I have repeatedly been looking for a job, and I have repeatedly played out the same day over and over again. The monotony of it all seemed slightly insignificant until repeat took on this new meaning. Because repeat now meant to attend to, my day to day life had a new meaning. I was no longer repeating without reason. Like the application of peat to the soil, I was encouraging growth and cultivating success with each repetition!

Before this revelation, I, of course, knew that each time I comforted my daughter, our bond with each other is strengthened and every time I send out a job application, my chances for employment increases, but this confirmation was exactly what I needed at the moment. I no longer felt lost in a uniform existence, but tied back to where I belonged – the Earth. The earth, the soil, the peat – it is a reminder that all my actions are a part of something larger than myself and that each time I re-peat, I am adding nutrients to that ground. The ground to which I speak of is not only mine, but that of my daughter’s, my loved ones and even those whom I have never met. I guess you can say that the word repeat has reminded me that we are all connected, not only on this earth, but with it.

Now, as I leave to attend to my daughter…again, I am reminded of a childhood joke: Pete and Repeat were on a boat. Pete falls off, who is left?

NOTE: After I looked up the word Repeat in the dictionary, I was a little sad to see that the word origin is not connected to peat, the soil amendment at all. This, of course, does not change the impact that this word has had on my day to day life. I will still think of the earth every time I hear or say the word Repeat. The actual word origin is pretty significant as well:

late 14c., from O.Fr. repeter "say or do again, get back, demand the return of" (13c.), from L. repetere "do or say again, attack again," from re- "again" + petere "go toward, seek, demand, attack" Specific meaning "to take a course of education over again"